so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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