Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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