final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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