lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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