we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
