I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Two words: nipple clamps
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