Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
