I'm drive I can fine osifer
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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