We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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