either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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