Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
