I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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