I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
