The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
