i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
