You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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