capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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