She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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