I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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