MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
