That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
why is half of my head shaved?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
