she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
