who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
