theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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