he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
