i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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