I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
