she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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