I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
