I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
