mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
