We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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