Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
