im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
