One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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