I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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