4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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