i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
