At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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