so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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