R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
