I'm so fucking centered right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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