I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
