I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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