If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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