She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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