Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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