She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
