12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's the barista slut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
