im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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