Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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