So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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