I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
