I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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