his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The adults are the big ones right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
