She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
