she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
